could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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