Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize