ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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