i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can I color on your dick again?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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