Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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