I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize