You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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