oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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