You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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