So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
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Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
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I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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