I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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