What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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