at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
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That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
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He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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