i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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