My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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