my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
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I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
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I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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