I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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