you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
there was a trapeze. enough said
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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