Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
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I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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