the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
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He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
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Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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