I will die if light touches me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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