And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
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But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize