I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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