I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize