moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
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He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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