I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize