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She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Acid is not a monday night drug
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
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