Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
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I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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