we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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