Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
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You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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