I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
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you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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