thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
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Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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