I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
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Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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