You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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