Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize