So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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