My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
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I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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