You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize