You made me cry and you don't even care
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize