I'm going to jail i love you
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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