he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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