im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sober January is a disaster.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize