If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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