Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
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but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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