found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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