i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize