he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
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Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
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Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
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