she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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