I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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