It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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